Valerie Bertinelli has lived much of her life in the public eye — from her breakout as a young actress in the 1970s, to her decades-long marriage to rock legend Eddie Van Halen, to her later career as a celebrity chef and television personality. At 65, she has embraced a different kind of spotlight: one defined not by roles or recipes, but by honesty, healing, and self-love.

That candor was on full display during a recent behind-the-scenes segment for The Drew Barrymore Show, where Bertinelli answered audience questions that ranged from soulmates to self-growth to the art of letting go. The exchange, shared on the show’s social media channels, quickly resonated with fans who saw in Bertinelli’s words the wisdom of experience and the courage of someone unafraid to speak plainly about life’s hardest truths.

On Soulmates and Human Connection

Asked whether she believes in soulmates, Bertinelli hesitated. “I wish I knew if I believe in soulmates,” she admitted with a laugh. “You know how sometimes you walk into a room and there are certain people you just feel a connection with? Maybe that’s it, I don’t know.”

For her, connections are not rigid or bound by a single definition. They ebb and flow, shifting as people grow and change. “I think as you change, and you grow as a human being, you find different connections with different people,” she explained. “You’re ready for those connections that you weren’t ready for 10, 20, 30 years ago.”

It was a sentiment that struck many as both relatable and liberating. Bertinelli suggested that instead of chasing one elusive soulmate, people might instead embrace the many meaningful ties that come and go across a lifetime.

Knowing When to Let Go

The conversation then turned toward endings — specifically, how to know when it is time to leave a situation, relationship, or chapter behind. Bertinelli didn’t sugarcoat her answer.

“When something is disturbing your peace, it’s time to let it go,” she said firmly. “Doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, because if you’re anything like me, I am determined to make something work. I’m determined to be ‘the good one,’ to be ‘the kind one.’ And sometimes, things just don’t work. And you have to understand that it’s okay that it doesn’t work. And you can move on.”

Her words carried added weight given her own recent history. In late 2024, Bertinelli ended her 10-month relationship with writer Mike Goodnough. The two had kept their romance relatively private, though Goodnough told PEOPLE at the time that “Valerie and I are the only two people with insight into our relationship.”

Rather than retreat into silence, Bertinelli has used the experience to fuel her self-healing journey. She has spoken openly on social media about practicing resilience, self-kindness, and equanimity. “I’m a good person, I’m kind and caring, I treat others the way I want to be treated,” she wrote in May. “I’m resilient, I’m low maintenance, I feel things deeply, I love hard … Equanimity is a daily choice I work at, encourage and feed. It’s the good work. And that’s enough for me.”

A Life of Public Loss and Private Strength

Bertinelli’s reflections come after years of profound personal highs and lows. Her marriage to Eddie Van Halen, which lasted more than 20 years, ended in divorce, but their deep connection endured until his death in 2020. She has described saying goodbye to him as both devastating and deeply meaningful, once writing, “No greater love.”

Her more recent relationships, while shorter-lived, have underscored the difficulty of balancing vulnerability with self-preservation in the public eye. Through it all, she has leaned into transparency, letting fans witness her evolution rather than hiding it.

Why Her Words Resonate

In a world where celebrity statements are often polished to perfection, Bertinelli’s openness stands out. She does not present herself as having all the answers — about love, soulmates, or healing. Instead, she shares the process of asking the questions, the trial-and-error of figuring it out, and the courage it takes to accept imperfection.

“When something disturbs your peace, you let it go,” she said. Simple words, yet they carry the weight of someone who has lived them.

For her audience, many of whom have walked through heartbreak, reinvention, or self-doubt, Valerie Bertinelli’s message is less about endings and more about beginnings. It’s about granting yourself permission to move forward, lighter and freer, even when the world expects you to carry the past forever.